Why taking a solo trip is the most impulsive choice I’ve ever made
When you step back into your comfort zone, it can significantly change who you are as a person.
With little more than a rucksack full of clothes, I was prepared to fully immerse myself in Portland, Oregon’s unique culture for the five days we had planned. We were flying at about 35,000 feet and traveling 3,000 miles from home. Despite the relatively simple nature of the trip, my brain continued struggling with the incorrect choice to choose a location on a map of the United States and schedule a flight. I had never visited the west coast and I had never taken a solo trip. But I was itching for something else in my life.
Two years ago, I was experiencing a cyclical panic attack of late 20s despair brought on by a lack of money, limited opportunity for career advancement, and a persistent inner alarm that would go off every time someone came too close to me or I found myself in a situation where there was no easy way out. Because of my work circumstances, my anxiety was turning into a big structure that I was unable to manage or scale, and I was having difficulty discovering the good things in my surroundings. Trying to manage these problems that prevented me from doing much at all, let alone travel, was incredibly taxing. I made the most self-actualizing decision ever when I decided I had to live a different life for a few days. Time for the lone traveler to begin.
Travelling Solo: An Exercise in Self-Confidence
I did a quick search for travel-friendly cities and landed on Portland, Oregon. The decision shot a nervous pang throughout my body even though it was very much the perfect city to escape to: public transit, cool art, food trucks. Still, my anxiety wouldn’t let me forget that I was going to be alone across the country while having to navigate my anxiety in a brand new setting with known triggers (meeting new people, eating alone, not being in full control). My finger slowly made its way to the track-pad on my computer; repeatedly telling myself this was a way to stand at the precipice of my fears and acknowledge them. Click. Booked. Done.
“There is a really wonderful circular relationship between self-esteem and traveling. Traveling in itself is an act of confidence. The fact that you went somewhere by yourself demonstrates strength,” says licensed psychologist Dr. Chloe Carmichael Peet. “If you do something that requires a certain amount of strength or independence, you then see yourself as a stronger and more independent person. Your behavior is reinforcing a positive self-esteem. As your self-esteem grows, you start engaging in more independent, self-serving behaviors.”
Truthfully, I couldn’t pinpoint where the travel antidote came from. Images of happy women taking charge of their lives stamped an impression into my brain of the person I wanted to be, but felt I couldn’t — a woman who can pick up and go and feel confident in all of her decisions. I am, perhaps, the Diane Lane or Julia Roberts of the modern millennial woman — except without a closet full of tans and taupes to pass through metal detectors on my introspective journey.
Finding the Power in Being Alone
Previously, the idea of me getting on a plane and flying anywhere seemed far away from any agency I’d allow myself to have. Cool girls with bottomless bank accounts take weekend solo trips — certainly not me: a person forever amidst an adult acne breakout with mmmaaaayyyybbbbeeeee $200 to her name at any given time. Plus, there is the inherent risks of traveling by yourself. There is no one to hold you accountable for missteps, help you map out each destination, gut check you if you happen to stray into an unsavory bar or whisk you away to the restroom to tell you the guy you’ve been chatting with has murdery vibes. You are the only line of defense against the elements.
That first time, I sat in the airport Dunkin Donuts for one full hour before I could peel myself away from the terminal and make my way to my Airbnb. Walking outside would mean I’d leave the safety of my bacon, egg and cheese to immerse myself in the surroundings of the pacific-northwest. I felt more alone than I ever have in my entire life — almost as if everyone in that airport could tell I was cowering behind my breakfast sandwich in fear. “Many people feel uncomfortable being alone in general, and especially in public. They may feel that others are judging them and they tend to overestimate how much they stick out to others and how unusual it is to be by yourself,” says licensed psychologist Dr. Margot Levin.
But I did it, and did it well. I made my way to every touristy spot, chatted with the locals, made out with a cute guy at a bar and even got a sizeable tattoo on the back of my arm. Levin’s statement echoes through that first experience, and I came out on the other side enfranchised. “The ability to be okay with being by yourself, to not need constant stimulation and company, is extremely empowering. It opens up choices for you that are not contingent on what others want and it enables you to be out in the world with others and then be with yourself to reflect, to regroup and to feel replenished.”
When I got back from Portland, I felt such a relief from my anxiousness. The things that bothered me prior were a blip on my mental radar — pushing myself out of my comfort zone so much that I had no choice but to compartmentalize that tension and move forward with keeping myself fed, housed and safe so far away from my home.
Six solo trips under my fastened seat belt later and the noticeable difference in my confidence, self-esteem and decision-making has sparked this incredibly positive change — all from a simple decision to hop on a plane alone. After Portland came Kansas, Utah, Wisconsin, Texas and Chicago. Each one solo, each one with its own challenges, but each one a deeply personal learning experience of how I handle myself when I’m not in the comfort of my Brooklyn apartment.
I felt confident and in control of my every step — something I wasn’t used to back in New York where my schedule, anxiety and lack of self-worth dictated my every move.
Every solo dining experience became easier and talking to people became less horrific and more routine. I felt confident and in control of my every step — something I wasn’t used to back in New York where my schedule, anxiety and lack of self-worth dictated my every move. I walked through the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry like a pro and chatted up the bartender at a bar in East Portland; forever thinking, who am I? I was living this inconspicuous life where no one knew who I was, which made it easier for me to put my needs first and relax. Now, past stresses like direction seeking, unaccompanied dinners and asking guys out on dates don’t even register in my brain as something to worry about.
Of course, you don’t have to be on a personal self-help journey like I was. Solo travel in general is exhilarating! I find that one of the best parts is being incognito at all times. Anonymity is a powerful tool when you’re in a brand new city. “When going through challenges related to loneliness or anxiety it can be helpful to stay mindful of the growth opportunities from solo travel. We are out of our comfort zone but have the safety of anonymity,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Jon Belford. Yes, I do still feel that overwhelming rush while opening the door to a restaurant I’ve never been in to have sets of eyes turn in my direction to wonder who’s this new person? But, being an outsider is a back pocket secret when you start to feel vanquished. Basically, know one knows who you are, so live and breathe in that experience.
